How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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