I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize