tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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