Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
