I accidentally burped into my bong.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
