i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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