Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
