i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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