His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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