I didn't shave. On purpose
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
