my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
