Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
