I'm gonna have a badass scar
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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