I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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