I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
