I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
