God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
