In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
