It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
