you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will be naked everywhere
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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