Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I love you.
Bad choice
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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