1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
