break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize