omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
