i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
