I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
