Soap is not a condiment
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
