Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
