Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
