i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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