I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
