you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
