New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
