u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
