Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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