A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
