What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
