Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize