I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
