Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
third nipple confirmed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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