i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
