then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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