That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
