What a fucking waste of an outfit
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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