he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
