I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this just has baby written all over it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
