The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
