Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
