She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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