What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
