I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
