yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Less talking, more tequila
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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