Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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