My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
