I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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