How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize