Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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