u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
