I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
