He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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