When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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