his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
