i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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