i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
