My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
