Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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