I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
