i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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