I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just found puke in my bra..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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