Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
