you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
