he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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