Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
