The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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