I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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