i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
