It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
