Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
