just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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