we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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