everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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