You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
