Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
