My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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