tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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