what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
