In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize