why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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