So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
