Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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