I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
