i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
