i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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