so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
