i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
