Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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