none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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