i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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