i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
