Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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