I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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