So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we're making bets on your personal life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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