Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize