awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
