You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
