If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
