I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
