on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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