The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
