he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
