I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
