just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
