drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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