Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
