did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
