Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
