walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
