there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
