so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize