I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize